And it's not just the emotional aspects. I'm a college graduate working for a job with good pay but few hours with bills to pay. Granted, I know my student loans and credit cards are nowhere near as bad as most people that have to pay their way through college but they are still there. And they are still forcing me to live at home and feel as if I'm never going to get that moment to just move on. I can't afford to move out. I just can't. I've crunched numbers, I've looked at other jobs. More hours for less pay isn't any better than a few hours at higher pay. And all of it just sucks. That's all there is to it. IT SUCKS!!!! It's this feeling of being trapped but living as if it's my choice. It's awful. I'm lying to myself every time I put on this front but I can't stop. Cause if I stop, who's going to judge me? Answer: Everyone I know. If I don't stop, who's judging me? Answer: Me. And I can live with myself casting judgments on my actions and decisions but not anyone else. Even if it means not going anywhere.
I don't know. Maybe one day I'll be able to move forward and gain some ground. But it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon.
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